GOP Chairman Renus Penis Says, “Satan is Gay!”

June 21, 2013

In a stunning move sure to have implications for the entire right wing of the Republican party, Chairman Renus Penis announced this morning that Satan is in fact gay. “Biblical┬áscholars had a long meeting late last night where they concluded that Satan is gay. And that gay people are actually infected with his evil. Yes, the GOP has explained gayness!”

Senior paster and Biblical expert Max Ihategays Smity Smithy Smit had this to say, “It’s really quite simple when you research the bible and you pray to god. Satan is gay. He must be gay. He is the opposite of the Christ. Christ is heterosexual. So therefore, Satan is gay. Simple. Now, because he is gay, he infects good people with his evil. That evil is actually “the gay”. We are from this moment onward going to refer to evil as gay. We must fight gay in all it’s places.”

Christian scientist Tommy smartypants Wilson had this to say, “When the infection of gay happens in the soul of a person, Satan actually grows a tiny penis or vagina inside the person. The genital will be the opposite of the sex of the person he has infected. The growth, we believe, happens inside the chest near the heart. We may be able to surgically remove these Satan genitals from inside the persons body and thus cure them of being gay.”

Dr. John Stamos with Georgetown Medical had this to say in response to the GOP allegations, “The GOP is dumber than I thought.”

We agree. But we wish the GOP much luck in searching for Satan installed ghost penises.

June 2013
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