Tim Tebow Converts To Belichickanity

June 18, 2013

In a stunning move sure to send ripples throughout the religious world, Tim Tebow, devout Jesus Lover and servant of old bearded men, has recently announced he has converted to the new religion of Belicheckanity. Belicheckanity is a religion whose followers give unquestioning support to their Deity, known as The Bill. The Bill appears to be a god who teaches his devout followers in the art of running, throwing balls, and slapping other men’s butts. When asked why he converted Tim Tebow had this to say, “Well, God, ya know Jesus’s dad, he’s ok and all. But The Bill, he has us worship two times a day. We regularly sit in a room and talk about our faith. And on Sunday’s we still go to church, but it’s in this great big open space with thousands of people cheering for us.  They celebrate us while we practice our faith. How cool is that? I mean, no offense, but it beats singing hymns and getting threatened with eternal hell fire, ya know?”

Long time christian and Tomato commentator, Reverend Rev Revy Revland had this to say, “The Bill is not a god. Tim Tebow is confused young man. What the hell kinda of magazine is this?”

We agree. Tim is a semi-talented, semi-intelligent young man who is facing the realization that Football is better than anything else on earth. And we at the Tomato would like to welcome you family of football fanatics! Keep in mind, we’re allowed to drink, a lot!

June 2013
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