Wendy Davis Defends Woman’s Rights While CNN Reports Breaking News On Muffins

June 26, 2013

Wendy Davis, new hero to woman’s rights in Texas, and future Texan governor, pulled off an epic battle against OWM (old white men) party and defeated an attempt to close most of the state’s abortion clinics. Davis pulled off this upset with a powerhouse filibuster and throngs of supporters filling the Texas state legislature. Davis’s withstood constant attempts to stop her by the OWM party but in the end managed to delay the process long enough for the bill to die.

But the real story here is not Davis’s efforts. It’s not how the Texas Senate and Governor Rick Perry are taking away rights from women and minorities. It’s not even about the throngs of Davis supporters that stormed the building. No, this story is all about, wait for it, caloric intake of blueberry muffins.

CNN, Pierce Morgan and Dr. Drew, while Davis was fighting off dozens of angry penises, delved deep into just how many calories are in a muffin. I for one needed to know that as my mid-section is getting round in the middle.

We’d like to thank CNN and Pierce for this excellent example of investigative journalism. If not for them, we’d all be gaining just a few extra pounds.

As for Davis, well done, we’ll see you in the Governors house.

June 2013
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