Westboro Baptist Church To Convert To Norse Religion

June 29, 2013

In a stunning move sure to send shock waves in extremists groups around the world, the Westboro Baptist Church has declared they are converting to Norse. “We really just wanted a religion where we could fully express our anger, hatred, intolerance and outrage,” said founding member Fred Phelps. “More importantly, we wanted to be able to smash people’s heads in with a hammer instead of just yell at them.”

Another member of the Westboro church had this to say, “When you make Jesus angry, you go to hell. When you make Thor angry, he puts a lightening bolt creating hammer up your ass for a thousand years and shoves you into a pit with frost giants. And every so often he visits you to do it all over again.”

The Norse religion is filled with axe wielding gods, horned hats and massive hammers. Though the religion has mostly died off, the members of the Westboro church have still decided to fully convert and become priests of the god Odin and his son Thor.

When asked about how they felt about crossing a rainbow bridge, Phelps had this to say, “If it’s ok with Odin, it’s ok with me!”

Nordic priest Ábiörn Aðalbrandr had this to say, “Anyone that wants to smash the heads of a demi-god with a battle axe, drink mead and eat meat off the bone is fine by us! Welcome! Everyone hates a frost giant after all!”

Frost giant and member of the U.N. Council on Ambassadors of Otherworldly Life, K’lick Von K’lack, had this to say, “It’s unfortunate that now we are the targets once again of hate, fear and bigotry. We hope people can look past bodies and see through the people inside.”

We agree with K’lick. Once everyone starts seeing the inner frost giant and not the hulking brute that can literally eat you, the world will be a better place.

June 2013
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