Darth Vader To L. Cheney: Liz You Are Not My Daugther

July 21, 2013

In a stunning move sure to set the Empire, Hollywood and American politics on fire, Darth Vader sent an intergalactic instagram to Liz Cheney, informing her that she is most certainly not his daughter. “Look, Liz, you’re evil and all, and I get that, and sure my family chokes out people, blows up space stations with hundreds of thousands of soldiers inside just doing their job, and kills younglings like they were ducklings, but seriously, you Cheney’s are some fucked up people,” said Vader in his instagram.

Liz Cheney, daughter of Real Life Darth Vader, Dick Cheney, had this to say, “I will not compromise! What state am I running in again? Wyoming! Yes! Daddy I need money.”

Star wars creator and all around fun guy George Lucas had this to say, “It’s really touching when my make believe characters reach out to real life people and call them out for being more evil than they are.”

Former Vice President Dick Cheney had this to say, “If he insults my daughter again, I’m going to show him what men of power can do.”

Former President George Bush Jr had this to say, “Don’t mess with Cheney. I’ll fuck you up.”

And we agree. Who else can get drunk, shoot people in the face and have them apologize for it. That’s power! Good luck Darth, you may have the force, but Cheney has the oil!

July 2013
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