NFL Football Player Commits Murder, Rape and theft on Saturday – Will Start Sunday

October 27, 2013

The NFL today announced that a top star of an unnamed NFL Franchise went on a criminal rampage this weekend. The unknown player allegedly killed his wife, rapped his dog and stole thousands of dollars from his mother in an attempt to purchase an AR-15 and use it on the field this Sunday. Even though the player admitted to all crimes, the NFL has reached an agreement with the police department in the city in question and the player will play this weekend.

“We want to stress, NFL players are above the law. They can kill dogs, rape girlfriends, and murder people, but if they can throw a ball or score a touchdown, it’s ok!” said NFL spokesman Micky Mcgruder Gruder Mcster.

Dan Snyder, owner of the Washington Redskins┬áRacists had this to say, “It’s important that NFL players play football. What else are they going to do? They are mostly black people. They really can’t do anything else but go to jail. Why not let them make me money first?”

And we couldn’t disagree more. A crime is a crime. If you bugger a bear, should you go free or go to bugger bear’s prison. Exactly so!

October 2013
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